Volume 33

General Ulysses S. Grant won the Civil War, went on to be president and now graces the American $50 bill but he had humble beginnings. So humble, Ohio tanner Jesse Grant didn’t think his son would amount to much, so he pushed to get him into the U.S. Military Academy where tuition was free. Ulysses did graduate and fought in the Mexican War before resigning from the military in 1854. After failing at farming and real estate, the 37-year-old ex-soldier had to work as a clerk in his father’s shop.

But when the Civil War broke out in April 1861, Grant reenlisted and was hastily promoted to brigadier-general. When he got permission to attack two key Confederate forts in Tennessee, they both fell quickly. As it turned out, the commander of the second fort was General Simon Bolivar Buckner, a friend of Grant’s who had served with him in Mexico. Bolivar proposed a truce so terms of surrender could be negotiated. Unflinchingly, Grant sent a blunt reply: “No terms except an unconditional and immediate surrender can be accepted. That earned Ulysses “Unconditional Surrender” Grant a national reputation and a promotion to major-general.

In those days, the war hero smoked a pipe but only once in a while. But when fellow officer Commodore Andrew Foote asked Grant to a meeting aboard his ship, he offered his friend a cigar. The general was still smoking it when he got word Confederate troops were attacking. “I galloped forward at once,” Grant wrote later, “and while riding among the troops giving directions... I carried the cigar in my hands. Ithad gone out but I continued to hold the stump between my fingers throughout the battle. In the accounts published in the papers, I was represented as smoking a cigar in the midst of the conflict; and many persons... sent me boxes of the choicest brands from everywhere in the North. As many as 10,000 were soon received. I gave away all I could get rid of, but... I naturally smoked more than I would have under ordinary circumstances, and have continued the habit ever since.”

Soon, Grant was smoking his first cigar after breakfast and carrying another two dozen in his pockets. Tobacco gifts continued to pour in and he smoked his way through two terms as President. But in 1884, Grant was diagnosed with cancer of the mouth. After struggling for more than a year, the disease did what his enemies could not. It took his life on July 23, 1885.

Good intentions gone awry do incredible damage. It happens all the time when we make an emotional response without thinking through the ramifications for the person we’re trying to help. Consider the negative consequences when parents give in to everything their kids want; when we cater to the insensitive or self-absorbed behaviour of dysfunctional friends; and when we avoid confronting the truth just because it’s easier and much less messy.

Even when we’re trying to generous or helpful, we need to think ahead and consider not just our own actions, but also how they’ll mesh with what other people are doing in the same situation. To use just one example, a friend who borrows money to feed irresponsibility will almost certainly be targeting others. Before long, people who genuinely care are enabling even more irresponsible behaviour.

“Good planning and hard work lead to success, but hastiness leads to trouble.” (Proverbs 21:5) Though there’s a time for spontaneity, we need wisdom to spot situations where restraint and reflection are necessary before we move, to ensure we’re acting in a truly loving way.

When Jesus speaks of love, he’s referring to what the Greeks called agape, putting the best interests of the other person first. Sometimes it’s in the best interest of the people we love to say no, or not yet, and reign in our impulsive generosity. Otherwise, all the good we hope to do may go up in smoke.

By Rick Gamble. Published in Cross Current, the weekly newsletter of the followers of Christ congregation in Brantford, Ontario, Canada. Reprint at will in not-for-profit publications. To subscribe to this free weekly article, send a note to Rick at rgamble@bfree.on.ca